Increase Your Value By Taming Your Internal Alarm System

In last week's blog, I talked about our outdated internal false alarm systems that cause us to feel stressed at work and in relationships. This week, let’s discuss how the mind forms these triggers. Awareness of the process can help tame the alarms.

The brain has a powerful, infinite storage drive in the subconscious, creative part of the mind. It contains habits, beliefs, knowledge, memories, and health regulations (let’s call them “programs”) aimed at our protection and creation of success, personally and professionally. It does not “think” logically, rationalize or discern. It creates through association and metaphors (abstract processing).

Sometimes, when we have an unpleasant experience, the subconscious mind will make associations and form protective mechanisms to help us avoid such unpleasant experiences. For example, if one receives bad news while eating an apple, the mind may wrongly associate the negative emotion and bodily reaction to the news with the apple.  Next time you eat an apple, it sends out warning signals through an allergic reaction, even though the apple is harmless.

Until age 10-12, we only have a subconscious, “right” brain (no discernment). Our main focus is on learning how to be human and to get along with those who take care of us (survival). The mind absorbs beliefs and rules that serve this purpose. The beauty of this part of the mind is that it adopts rules and creates programs that can run without requiring us to be consciously aware so that we can focus on learning or doing other things. For example, when we learn a language, it will absorb lessons and allow us to speak automatically without thinking about it so that we can turn our attention towards building on that knowledge.

It operates like cruise-control: Until you turn it off or switch the speed, it continues at whatever speed is set. The only difference is that it sometimes sets a speed. Problems arise because many of the rules that are adopted at an early age (before developing discernment) get translated into false beliefs about one’s self.  And they sit in storage and run on auto-pilot until the mind is instructed to do otherwise. 

Pragmatic Example:

A common auto-pilot rule among ambitious, successful individuals is: My value is based on what I produce and/or can do for others. It’s based on external factors that measure my outward performance.

This may have been good motivation as a kid to get good grades, to get into college, etc. (and it may sound good on the surface to an employer); however, as an adult, it can wreak havoc on your life and negatively affect your work performance. If one’s value is based only on performance/external values, then one has to perform all of the time to feel valuable. And, when focusing on external factors, the mind often ignores internal guidance, which is what truly increases one’s value. Obviously, having fun, sleeping, exercising, and relaxing can be stressful or non-existent if one operates under this program.

This simple false belief can cause a conflict between the part of you that wants to perform outwardly and the part of you that wants to care for yourself. Ultimately, this belief will lead to burn out and chronic health problems that serve to bring one’s attention back to the self for a resolution. The stress associated with this false belief also affects one’s ability to think clearly. This affects performance, ironically sabotaging the motivation to succeed.

Our value helps us to survive because it allows us to make money and connect with others. If one believes one’s value is based only on outward performance, then any conflict or challenge that surfaces at work or in relationships can trigger the archaic survival system. This causes physical and emotional stress.

You can retrain your system by making it a point to consciously become aware of your thoughts when you are feeling stressed in your career or relationships to see what illusions about yourself may be the cause. Also, when you discipline yourself to relax in this circumstance, you retrain your system to associate a calm state and clear mind with it instead of stress. This can lead to happier and inspiring, solution-based thoughts about how to proceed.

Quick Relaxation Tip: Calming the Adrenals

·      Place one hand on your forehead. (Ever see someone put there hand on their forehead when they say, “Oh my God!” over something shocking? Intuitively, they knew these points were relaxing.)

·      Place the other on your stomach, just above your belly button.

·      Take some deep breaths and let yourself relax for a few minutes.

Further Assistance:

By communicating with the subconscious to clarify the truth around one’s value, one can retrain the alarm system so that it no longer goes off in these unnecessary times. In a state of hypnosis, one can engage in this form of communication, and the subconscious mind is eager to follow the suggestion because success and security are its main concerns. We are in a state of hypnosis most of the day: It’s just the state of being tuned into the right, creative brain. If you feel like you’re “in the zone,” you’re in a hypnotic state. In a Bridgenosis® session, we first uncover the outdated rule(s) that is conflicting with the client’s current goals. Using hypnotherapy, I help clients get “into the zone” around a topic so they can guide the subconscious to update its programs.

Bridgenosis® LLC www.bridgneosis.com (202) 709-6013 laura@bridgenosis.com

Dismantle Your Internal False Alarms

The other night my fire alarm went off while I was away from home. It didn’t stop sounding, so my kind neighbor had the fire department come to potentially rescue my dog and our building. They broke my locks and inspected the premises only to find a faulty fire alarm, which they dismantled for me. It brought great comfort to know that my home was safe. My neighbor and I exchanged phone numbers and keys so we could quickly help each other if there was ever a need, and my fire alarm and door locks were replaced.

This got me thinking about the built-in false alarms that nearly all of us have within ourselves, which cause us to feel stressed (anxious, angry, frustrated, guilty, worried). There are times when our bodies and minds respond to conflicts or situations that appear to be difficult by going into survival mode through a stress response, even though the situations are not matters of life or death.

This is because our systems are still evolving. When humans were first on earth, we were living in caves and relied on our instincts to keep us alive. Our systems were designed to activate a stress response when danger was approaching so action could be taken for protection. In this process, one part of the system recruits energy from the rest so that instead of focusing on work, relaxed living, nurturing, or joyful activities, we focus on surviving and the adrenalin pumps through us, urging us to act quickly or paralyzing us so we can’t act (hence, the times when you just can’t think of a good response or make a response).

We now live in a time in when most of us are in cushy offices and fairly safe places (I’m excluding obvious professions that involve danger.), yet our survival mechanisms are kicking in on a daily or weekly basis even when physical survival is not at risk. Indeed, an email or a phone call or even a slow car in front of us preventing us from being on time may trigger this response. Our systems equate conflicts or challenges related to our jobs with survival since we make money with our jobs, which is needed for survival. Our systems and minds don’t naturally stop to think about whether survival mode is needed to help you succeed in a particular instance. That time could be wasted if you truly needed to survive.

The problem with this is that when we are in this mode, we cannot focus and think clearly. Our creative intuitive minds are blocked. And, yet, in order to solve most of the challenges that come before us (communication, conflicts, work challenges, etc.) in our jobs, we must be relaxed so that we can think clearly and devise wise solutions or see the solutions that may be unfolding.

Even the times when we get slowed down can contain wisdom that we may not see. Those who were late to work on the day the Twin Towers were hit and survived certainly know this wisdom. There are other times when our schedules get rearranged, and we meet someone or learn of an opportunity that we would have missed if we were not slowed down. Solutions and insights coming through inspiration arrive the same way: It’s important to slow down.

I was reminded of this importance of slowing down when I received one of those clever tickets in the mail recently.  Feeling angry was my first response. Then, I stepped back and thought about how fast I had been moving lately in certain areas of my life: Perhaps too fast to see the larger picture. (For the record, I’m not promoting those cameras, but I got the message.)

I’ll talk more about how the mind forms triggers to set off false alarms in my next blog, but for today, I leave you with a tip on how to help reverse this habitual survival stress response to non-life threatening events. To go back to my original story, this will help you to change your fire alarm and locks and increase your communication with your internal compass so you can receive clear guidance and inspiration to create solutions to the challenges before you. In essence, you’ll be exchanging phone numbers and keys with your internal guide as you learn to relax into your day.

TIP: Next time a non-life threatening event triggers a stress response (any negative emotion, anxiety, frustration, blood pressure rising, feeling of urgency), discipline yourself to stop from taking action or freezing tightly. Take a deep breath and try this:

Relaxing Harmonizer: 

• Place your right fingers in a notch putting your fingers tips together and put your finger tips gently on your left side of your body, under your armpit (find a tender spot and put it there).
• Place your left fingers in a notch and put them on your sternum (center of your chest).
• Leave them in place for at least one minute (can go longer if you have more time; longer is better).
• Then switch sides for 1 minute or more.
• Do this one as many times as you can per day to help reverse the habit (go for at least three times per day or at least any time you feel that stress response); it’s also great to do when falling asleep or when you wake up in the morning. Not only will it calm you, but it increases your ability to metabolize more than just food: emotions, life events, information, etc. So, you might also try doing it after you eat. 

Bridgenosis® Happenings:

·        Read about Bridgenosis® sessions involving creative conflict resolution, stress-reducing techniques, and hypnotherapy for individuals and organizational leaders at www.bridgneosis.com or contact Laura Palmer with questions at laura@bridgenosis.com or by phone at (202) 709-6013. In-person, phone, and SKYPE appointments are available

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